


And a little bit More

by ThreeNicotinePatches



Series: Nothing [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Amazingphil - Freeform, Angst, Family Issues, Fluff, I have feelings and you will have to suffer with me, M/M, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, They love each other, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, danisnotonfire - Freeform, the sequel you were asking for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 17:15:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11948919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThreeNicotinePatches/pseuds/ThreeNicotinePatches
Summary: Sequel to "You make me feel Nothing" - will not make sense if you haven't read that first.~All he wants is to hold Phil’s hand and have him stroke his hair, like he sometimes does when he can’t sleep. He wants to leave this godforsaken house where no one ever even tried and go somewhere with Phil, somewhere that isn’t here. But he has to do this, he has to, or he’ll explode.~





	And a little bit More

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!! You asked for a sequel and I delivered :) (although it's rather short)
> 
> Hope you like it as much as the first one - any errors in language and ... general sense I guess, tell me. English is not my first language.
> 
> (Thanks for being my Beta, Prongs. And Padfoot, thanks for being hilarious.)

 

“Yes, I realize how fake this sounds, I am aware that – No, I’m not – Would you – NURSE ANNY, would you please at least tell Louise I called? Yes? Okay, thank you. Have a nice day.” Dan wishes there were still phones you could actually hang up because good god would he like to do exactly that rather forcefully right now. Instead he just presses the touch screen of his smartphone with an annoyed frown on his face and sighs.

He feels the light touch of Phil’s fingers on his neck and can’t help but smile slightly when they start stroking his skin.

“Well that didn’t sound too positive…?” his soulmate asks softly.

“You could say that” Dan grumbles, facing him “She thinks we’re faking it.”

A frown appears on Phil’s forehead and he raises an eyebrow. “Why the heck would anyone fake something like that?”

Dan shrugs. “If only I’d know. I’ll have to talk to someone I know personally, Louise changed my cuff the last few times, I hope she’ll believe me at least. But who knows…” he trails off.

Really, this is the last thing he expected to be a problem about this whole light-blue-circle debacle: the paperwork.

Of course, it was understandable; apparently, he was the first ever case of the colour changing later than cuff-application, but come _on_. He had thought there would be disbelief and suspicion, but not outright unacceptance of the facts. If he truly wanted to get his personal data in the system changed, he’d have to undergo all kinds of chemical testing of his skin, and he’d hoped to avoid that.

But no.

He sighs again. He seems to be unable to stop sighing, actually, and really this is just unfair. Who out there thought ‘Hey, let’s torment Dan Howell some more, why don’t we? He hasn’t had enough struggle in his life!’ and who answered ‘So true, bro!’?

But then Phil pulls him into a hug, pressing little kisses into his hair, and suddenly nothing is as bad as it was before.

‘Maybe it _is_ kind of fair’ he muses, nuzzling the soft fabric of Phil’s shirt ‘they have to somehow make up for giving me Phil’

“Are you okay, love? I’m sorry that they’re making this so complicated.” Oh Phil. Sweet, beautiful, _perfect_ Phil.

“I don’t deserve you.” he says, the sentence muffled in Phil’s chest, who, of course, doesn’t understand a word and takes a step back, cradling Dan’s face in both his hands. “What was that?”

“I don’t deserve you.” Dan repeats and smiles when Phil blushes that raspberry-pink blush that nearly reaches the top of his ears.

“Oh. Um. Thank you, I guess?”

“Thank _you_ , you twat. I wouldn’t survive any of this if I didn’t have you.” It’s true: even though actually being physically able to feel happiness has changed him - has changed him so much that he notices it himself, sees it in the laugh lines around his mouth and the dimples in his cheeks – it has done nothing about his complete inability to make decisions and general lack of survival skills.

Phil rolls his eyes. “Now you’re actually being ridiculous. Come on, what’s up? What are you trying to get me to do?”

“Nothing! I was just –“ although… “- No wait. Actually, I meant to ask you something.”

“AHA, there it is”, Phil exclaims dramatically “You only love me when you need me!”

“Yeah yeah, calm your titballs.” Phil gasps in mock outrage at his words “No come on, you know I love you, let’s move on.”

“Romance is dead.”

“… Anyway, we need to tell my parents about this.”

The smile drops from Phil’s face.

“Oh.”

“Exactly.”

Now it’s Phil’s turn to sigh. “Do we have to?”

Exac- wait, what?

“Do you… not want to tell them about us?” Suddenly all of the doubts Dan has worked his hardest to stomp the fuck out as soon as they appeared ~~he only wants me because we’re soulmates he’s so much better than me he’s too good for me I don’t deserve him he’ll leave me he’ll leave me he’ll leave me~~ apparate right back into his mind like fucking Dumbledore himself.

But Phil rushes to say: “No hey, what’s that look? Of course I want to tell them, I’m just not so sure _how_ to tell your parents that ‘Hey, actually you were wrong about your son all his life and also, I’m your son’s soulmate and plan to spend the rest of my life with him, better get used to me’, you know?” Oh. Okay. Phew. Cut back on the overreacting, Dan.

“We could improvise?” Dan suggests with renewed determination. Phil breathes another sigh, but at least he’s smiling again.

“Sure, why not. We never do anything with a plan, do we?” That gets him a kiss on the cheek and a quick grin.

“Exactly. Why should we start now?”

 

* * *

 

 

Dan’s parents live in a neat picket-fence house in the suburbs, just like a perfectly normal couple with one grown-up son at university should. It’s already completely dark outside when they finally make it through the little gate into the garden and tip-toe over the dramatically loud gravel to the house. Dan’s mother is already at the door when they reach it.

“Daniel, darling! Come on in, _oh_ and you brought Philip! It’s so nice to see you!” She pulls her son into a hug.

“Hi mom” Dan mumbles. O ~~kay. Now bumblebees? Where … huh~~

Phil winks at him.

“Hello Mrs Howell, thank you for not throwing me out right away – I’m sorry we didn’t think to mention I was coming as well.” he says, charming as always, when she turns to hug him.

“That’s no problem at all, sweetheart, you’re always welcome here! And please, call me Sarah.” with a smile, she turns towards the lounge and hurries away, softly calling for her husband to tell him his son is home. As they follow her into the house, Dan leans in and whispers into Phil’s ear: “Looks promising, huh?”

Phil nods. But there’s still a suspicious edge to his features, as if he doesn’t trust the peace, like, at all. Internally, Dan agrees – years and years of her avoiding him, of her blaming him, of her never making the slightest effort to get close to him are still present on his mind like high-definition video logs. What changed?

Was it College? The prospect of her son doing what she had always wanted to do herself but never found the courage to? Or something else?

Who knows, really. It’s entirely possible she doesn’t even know herself.

The rumbling voice of his father echoing in the hallway puts a stop to Dan’s train of thought.

“Dan, what a surprise! And Philip as well! What’s the occasion?” there’s a quick ~~awkward~~ clap on the back for Dan and a handshake for Phil.

“Good evening, Sir.”

“Hey Dad. Can’t I just want to see you?”

Mr Howell narrows his eyes suspiciously. “I’m certainly not going to complain, but are you sure you’re alright? Something’s different about you” his gaze flickers between Dan and Phil “… about both of you, actually.”

They share a look. “How about we sit down? You’re right, there’s something we’d like to tell you-“ his father raises a worried eyebrow and his mom’s eyes widen in fear “-it’s nothing bad, I promise. It’s just… really important and I really, _really_ think we should sit down first.” Neither his mom nor his dad seem to relax even a tiniest fraction at his words. The tension is nearly tangible in the air – even Phil seems nervous again, and _damn_ , this isn’t going so well, is it?

In that moment, all he wants is to hold Phil’s hand and have him stroke his hair, like he sometimes does when he can’t sleep. He wants to leave this godforsaken house where no one ever even _tried_ and go somewhere with Phil, somewhere that isn’t here. But he has to do this, he has to, or he’ll explode.

“Please, let’s just sit down, okay? I promise, I’m fine.” he chances a fraction of a smile towards Phil, just the corner of his mouth lifting a tiny bit “ _We’re_ fine.”

And Phil, to no one’s surprise, makes everything better once again – he grins, carefree and beautiful, and takes Mrs Howell’s arm. “I promise, you’ll certainly be glad you took the time to listen to this, Sarah! It’s a surprise, but really it…” he chatters, steering her gently into the living room. Mr Howell raises an eyebrow.

“Lovely friend you have there, Dan. If he manages to calm down your mother, I’ll have to ask him for a trick or two.”

Dan bites back a proud grin, shakes his head in a sharp nod, and they follow the other two to a big sofa where Mrs Howell is already sitting, a cup of tea in hand, listening intently to Phil’s tales of college.

“You’d think I know English already, but really, there’s so much still to learn. It’s rather exciting, actually.” he explains, while Dan and his father take their seats on two comfy reading chairs.

Then there’s a short silence, filled with breathing and anxious expectation.

Dan clears his throat.

“So” he begins “I don’t really know how to tell you this. But… do you remember when you – no, that’s not… Okay, Mom” he turns to look at her “Mom, do you remember when I told you that I loved you?”

Both his parents breathe in sharply. Once the initial shock is over, Mrs Howell whispers:

“D-darling, we talked about this, it’s _fine_ that you can’t- can’t lo…” her voice breaks. Dan looks as if he expected this.

“See, it _isn’t_ fine, Mom, you can’t even say it!” he exclaims, a hint of accusation in his tone.

The answering look in his mother’s eyes screams guilt – guilt and regret.

“I know, and I’m sorry, it’s just that … this… this whole thing has taken _so much_ of us and I know it’s not your fault, I just –“ she clearly wants to continue whatever bullshit excuse she’s making up, but Dan interrupts her quickly:

“No, we’re completely missing the point here, which is typical by the way, story of my life to be honest, but – no, the point is that I _can_.”

It’s silent. After a few seconds, Mr Howell bites his lip anxiously and mutters, as if he doesn’t dare to say it aloud: “You can _what exactly_?”

“I can _love_ , dad. I always could.” he looks into uncomprehending faces.

It was to be expected.

“Okay, so let me explain. You always said that you put the cuff on me the second you saw my circle, right?” His parents nod like in a trance “See, but it hadn’t fully formed at that point. It was still changing; the colour wasn’t finished. My circle didn’t stay midnight blue. I… I could always feel love.”

This time, his words aren’t met with silence. They’re met with screaming. It’s so loud and sudden, that Phil nearly falls right off the sofa and it takes Dan a few moments to realize it’s his mother who’s screaming.

Huge, never-ending waves of tears wash down her cheeks, accompanied by sobs so loud that he’s sure the people a few streets over can hear her. “I knew it, oh god, I knew it” she screams, over and over, as if she can’t think up another thing to say. Dan’s father just sits there silently, looking at his son as if he’s seeing him for the first time, until his mouth drops open and he uses a break in the screaming antics of his wife to say:

“Oh god, Dan. Dan, I’m so, so sorry.”

He pulls Dan into a bear hug on his lap and then there’s only tears and endless streams of “sorry, so sorry” from the two of them for a long, long while.

And Dan… Dan doesn’t know what to feel. It’s … weird to have his parents so close and it’s even weirder to realize – he isn’t happy.

No bumblebees, no galaxies, nothing. Not when his father brushes through his hair with old, calloused fingers, not when his mother reaches a trembling hand towards his cheeks and holds his face as if she never saw anything more beautiful.

_He isn’t happy._

A feeling of dread settles in his stomach. Now that he thinks about it – did he ever feel that _nothing_ when he was with his parents? Did he? Because he can’t remember it happening even once. Sure, he loves them like every child loves their parents, but was he happy with them?

Truly?

Phil sits by it all, the screaming and the crying and Dan’s unnoticed existential crisis, thinking, and without saying a word, until the sounds die out and there’s only breathing left.

That’s when _he_ starts talking.

His words are cold, bereft of any emotion, when he turns to Mrs Howell and asks:

“Sarah. What do you mean when you say you _knew_?” Oh. _Oh_.

Temperature in the room drops below zero in seconds. Dan disentangles himself from his father’s arms and both turn their confused faces towards Mrs Howell, strangely silent after all the screaming.

“Mom?” Dan asks fearfully. She closes her eyes and hides her face in her hands. Her next words are barely audible through the space between her fingers.

“I saw it, once. When you were still _so small_ , you pulled on your cuff, and I saw a little strip of colour, not the whole thing, mind you” her words echo in the otherwise so deathly silent room ~~oh god oh god oh god this is it~~ “Just a little strip. And it was so _light_. I didn’t know what it was, I just thought it couldn’t have been midnight blue, but I wasn’t _sure_ , and-“ That’s when Phil comes to life. He’s on his feet in seconds.

“You _knew_ and you didn’t think to check _once_ if _maybe_ something was wrong?!” he shouts, and in that moment, he doesn’t even look human. The wrath in his eyes turns him into an angel, or a demon maybe, deathly and full of fire, out to kill whatever hurt his soulmate.

He’s never looked more beautiful.

Mr and Mrs Howell definitely do not think so, though: Their backs are pressed tightly into the back of their seats, fear stricken looks on both of their faces.

“You -  I didn’t - I wasn’t sure-“ Mrs Howell stutters. But Phil doesn’t seem to care.

“You weren’t _sure_?? You should’ve checked anyway, he’s your _son_ , Sarah, your _only son_ , you should’ve made sure that he was fine, always!” By now, Mrs Howell’s face has turned a deep shade of red.

“There’s – There are _laws_ against that, I couldn’t have looked, I-“ she tries to get out a whole sentence, but Phil brushes her words off with a flick of his wrist. ~~Oh god I love you~~

“Who cares about law, you’re his _mother_ , he was miserable his whole life! There are a thousand ways you could’ve handled this better, but you didn’t even… you didn’t even try! _How could you do this to him?_ ” Apparently, this is where Mrs Howell has had enough, because she gets up on her feet and points an angry finger at Phil, as if there could ever be anything intimidating about her. ~~Hint: There isn’t.~~

“Listen up, young man, he’s still _my_ son and I did what I thought was best for us, for us as a family! That has always been my highest priority: our family!”

But Phil just shakes his head incredulously, shooting a glance at Dan who’s wrapped himself up in his own arms, and makes a decision in a split second. “And that’s what’s different about you and me, Sarah” he says softly, a blinding difference to the shouting of before “Your family is not my priority. Dan is.”

With that, he takes Dan’s hand, intertwining their fingers like he doesn’t plan to ever let go again. “Dan? Would you like to leave?” he asks gently, wary of the way his face looks like it’s going to break into a million pieces in a second.

And Dan… Dan nods. It feels like admitting defeat, like accepting what’s been true his whole life: This is not his home – it never was.

He takes a final look at both of his parents’ faces, ashy and strange like portraits in a foreign hallway – long forgotten memories. And pulls Phil to the door.

Right before they leave his parents’ view, he stops suddenly, like something just occurred to him.

“Oh and by the way-“ he says into the silence “my circle is sky-blue. In case you care.”

Then they’re gone and out in the garden.

Neither of them says a word. Phil just holds his hand tighter, pulling him forwards once his legs start trembling too much to keep up the quick pace, and later Dan doesn’t even remember how they made it to the bus stop a few streets away. Everything’s a blur of colours, sounds and feelings and nothing makes sense anymore.

“Dan? Please, say something, you’re scaring me.” Phil’s voice is the first thing to break through this thick fog around his head, making him wonder how much time has passed since – since the last time he saw his parents. A glance at the dark blue sky outside of the tiny window in the side of the bus confirms his suspicions: It must be well past midnight. ‘Wait. Phil was saying something, wasn’t he?’

“What? Sorry, did you say something?” he manages to stutter, stumbling over his words in a hurry to calm his best friend.

Phil smiles sadly. “I’ve been talking to you since we got on this bus, love. But I’m glad you’re back now.” Oh god, not just that this day is shaping to be one of the worst days in his life – competing with the day his dog died and that time when Layla… nevermind – now Phil is _sad_. Sad Phil is the worst Phil.

“Sorry” he mumbles, catching Phil’s nervously twitching hand with his “Sorry, I just … you know?” there’s a vein in his wrist that meets his circle, somewhere under that thick sweater he’s wearing and suddenly he really needs him to take it off.

Not in a sexy way.

Just in a … loving and I-need-to-make-sure-you’re-really-meant-to-be-mine kind of way?

“Oh, I know, don’t worry. I’m sorry too.”

That wakes him up good.

“What the hell for?”

Phil sighs and tries to pull his hand away, but Dan only grips it tighter.

“Come on, I yelled at your parents Dan.” the words sound small, as if they’re cowering or running off to hide in a corner, because Phil won’t. “No matter what they did, that was kind of a little bit overkill. And I’m-“

“You looked so beautiful”

“- really, really sor… Wait what?” Phil looks at him like he’s grown a second head.

“I know I know, I’m crazy, just…” he gestures vaguely at Phil’s face “… that’s what I thought when you started shouting. That you looked beautiful.”

Wow, he didn’t know Phil’s eyebrows could go that high.

“Seriously? Not even a little bit of what the heck is this dude doing?”

“I’d never call you dude, Philly.”

“Dan.”

“Phil. I mean it, okay? You were defending me and it was hot as fuck. My parents were not my priority in that moment. You were.”

Phil looks at him and for a little while there’s only breathing and some unspoken agreement between them, their souls speaking without words.

Then Phil smiles.

“Goddamn I love you.”

Dan gasps dramatically, shuffling closer on their already tiny seats. “Phil! Such dirty language from you, of all people?”

Phil just shakes his head with a grin and ruffles his soulmates hair.

Somewhere in the distance, their room is waiting for them, two beds pushed together into one. ~~Their home.~~

 ~~It’s really cheesy, if you think about it,~~ Dan doesn’t say.

But frankly, when is it appropriate to get cheesy if not now?

So he leans his head on Phil’s shoulder, pressing a tiny kiss into the fabric of his sweater. “You’re the only family that I need, Phil.” he mumbles, and he feels him shifting beneath his weight, feels him burying his nose in his hair.

The bus rumbles on.

High over their heads, the sky turns a stunning violet – and over time more and more light blue.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading ♥


End file.
